Then and Now
by queenofquills
Summary: You are Yuki Sohma. Unwanted because of what you are. And you. You are Tohru Honda. Motherless. Both of you have all this love to give, and no one to give it to.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One- -Yuki.**

"Awe, come on! Who ya kidding?"

Squeezing the Louisville Slugger tighter in his clenched fists, Tohru Honda replied by spitting into the dirt two feet in front of him. Kidding? About baseball? Ha! Tohru never kidded when it came to kicking Kisshu Haragani's butt! The air was stifling hot, the sun beating down on their faces. Ten to twelve year olds surrounded the field, the diamond, watching with tired eyes. It's the same old thing with these two. Tohru goes to join the game, Kisshu complains, she ends up staying, he ends up losing. Bada Bing, Bada Boom . . . the day's ruined for poor Kisshu. I slumped closer from where I watched, sitting in the windowsill of my house. I've gotta give it to him, the guy was stubborn. Even if I was impressed by his gutsy-ness, especially when it came to challenging twelve-year-old Kisshu, others had biased feelings.

Tohru swung the bat, impatient now. Kisshu took his sweet time, tossing the ball up and down in his hand. "Get outta here, Honda," he sneered. How mature. I shook my head slowly, though no one was around to see my irritation. Such a jerk. The biggest, even.

"Give it a rest, Haragani," Tohru spat back, "either lose with dignity or go home."

That set the game in motion. I suddenly had the urge to get down there—where the action was. Not because I'm a twelve-year-old boy and, therefore, love to see someone be set into their place. And definitely not because I wanted in on that game. Come on, taking one look at me, you'd know I wasn't cut out for the big times. I was too quiet, too cautious, too distracted. They'd kick me out two minutes into the game. I don't know what was pulling me there now. "Master Yuki, where are you off to?" Her voice was kind, soft, but suspicious. I cringed, turning to face my older brother's nanny, putting on my best innocent face. Don't even go there either! She doesn't look after me the way she's paid to look after Ayame. Ugh. Devil's spawn. But she is always treating me like her own. We've got a nice friendship going, if I do say so myself.

Kyoke Honda regarded me with lively blue eyes. I noticed, peering closer, they were shaded a bit darker. She looked exhausted. Yeah, if you had to keep my brother occupied and busy so he didn't get into trouble all the time, you'd be outta here by now, like all the other nannies. Kyoke's the only nanny I know who's still here after a month. Bless her.

I tilted my head back a little, noticing she looked similar to her son. Not saying that offensively. The resemblance was there, though, in the big blue eyes and the bright, warm-your-tummy smile. Tohru must've taken after her father with his light brown hair. You could barely see it, him always wearing a baseball cap and all, but sometimes his bangs peeked from under. Kyoke had blonde hair, the color of the sun. "Morning, Kyoke," I replied cheerfully, "to the field, naturally." When she first got here, I decided right then and there that she was too young to be called some stuffy name like 'Nanny Honda' or 'Mrs. Honda'. So I instantly took to first names and, when her guard was down, Kyoke could easily slip up and call me plain 'Yuki." I don't mind. I prefer it that way. It's my mom that doesn't.

"You better not let your mother hear you, Yuki," Kyoke said, seeming to read my thoughts. I smiled back. Nice woman. She flicked something at me and I caught it easily, to her delight. It was a plain blue baseball bat and I had to chuckle softly. She always got a kick out of testing my reflexes, since I'm in training and everything. "Tell Tohru I said hi."

"Will do."

"That's game, Kisshu!"

Guess I'd better get going. I slid the door open and paused, breathing in the beautiful day appreciatively. Maybe I should get out more. It's basically a prison cell in this house. Exaggeration much needed. I could see across the field, the plates were loaded and some kids hung to the side, against the fence. A new thought occurred to me. School. School started pretty soon now and they all must be dying to use up the rest of their summer. Understandable. To me, it was heaven to be able to go back to school. Not because I LIKED the homework and the studying. Just the simple fact it was, exactly, four blocks away from home. Seven hours, four blocks from home. And away from Akito.

Seven hours. Four blocks.

Pure Heaven. I crossed the road and could have laughed at the sight that greeted me as I got closer. Tohru and Kisshu were in each other's faces, arguing about foul balls and sore losers and cheaters. Everyone looked pretty uncomfortable, maybe even irritated. I felt for them. Who wants to come out on a day like this and watch two people fight over a game rather than play one?

"Look, Honda! If you wanna play dirty—fine!"

Uh oh.

"What do you mean by that?"

This is bad.

"You can leave!"

Aw, fudge.

And Tohru did just that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two- -Tohru **

The snake. The despicable coward. The big baby. Ugh! How do you play dirty in baseball? Besides, the obvious reason. There isn't a possibility-unless you're Kisshu Haragani. Unless you're a sore loser, like Kisshu Haragani. Ha-ha. Me? Playing dirty? Pure crap. Pathetic. Ugh.

So, I up and left. Who wants to play when Kisshu-The-Sore-Loser gangs up on you like that? Not me. Nope, buddy. Let those poor kids deal with him but Tohru Honda has put her foot down. And of course, I'll play baseball again some other time. But it'll be with someone different. Someone worth playing with.

Did I sound like I was planning my first kiss or what?

I trudged past the Sohma's house, not feeling up to pouring my ten-year-old problems out on my mother. I mean, you look at her and look at me and I'd be stupid to complain. Anyway, the place is truly creepy. Weird creepy. Especially that one kid who goes to my school. He lives there. What's his name? Yuri? Yuli? Ah well. I didn't know exactly where I was going, or what I was going to do when I got there. There aren't a lot of places a kid like me can kick back and relax. And be alone.

Not that it's pleasant to be alone. When is it ever? And yet . . . yet that guy can do it. He does it all the time. He can be surrounded by millions of kids who-they actually DO-adore him . . . and he's still alone somehow. Lost in thought. Millions of years away from here. And speaking of him. . .

"You."

I admit, not the nicest way to greet someone, but that's all I could muster. Hadn't I just been thinking about this guy? Now he was suddenly sitting on the swings, his back facing me. It was like he stepped out of my thoughts and BAM, he was there. He turned slowly, hesitating and one look, man, one look and I instantly remembered his name forever. Yuki. Yuki Sohma.

_"That Yuki! His eyes are JUST the most dazzling gems you'll find!"_

_"He's so calm all the time. But there's nothing calm about what he does to your insides. One look, I'm telling you! Oh, Yuki!"_

_"Yuki. Yuki. Yuki."_

I stared at him. I stared straight into those eyes, memorized. What is he? Maybe he's a wizard. Or maybe some kind of ninja trained to allure. Did he seem like one of those? Well, he was awfully strange. He's polite, but strange. Yuki always had this way about him, it was this automatic addictiveness. People felt they needed to feel close to him, to unwire his mind, his thoughts. They wanted so badly to find out what his past was, where he went when he drifted. The only thing I wanted to know is how you could look so unhappy when you're so young. We're kids! What should we have to worry about?

"Tohru," he hesitated. My mind was whirling. I finally concentrated now. "I was watching the game and. . ."

"That? Oh, it was nothing. Did you enjoy it?" I mumbled, falling into a swing past the one beside him. I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. Yuki wasn't my schoolmate anymore. Not here. In his own way, he was wiser. He was mature and sophisticated. He assessed things and analyzed. Yuki never bothered with baseball or anything his age related. God. He was untouchable. Nothing, no one, would bother this kid. "I wonder . . . what makes you tick?" I added, absentmindedly. It was more meant for me, but Yuki took that into consideration. Assessing. Analyzing.

**Y U K I. **

Wasn't it obvious? Loneliness. That's what makes me tick. To feel wanted would be nice. To be loved would be stretching. I could settle for little things like this. Conversations. Communication that wasn't just here to put me down or to make me feel . . . inhuman. I don't think Tohru will ever know how much it means to me now that he's even talking to me. Of course, I'd never voice these exact words. "You . . . you remind me of your mother," I said, instead. I must have surprised him. Good. I was afraid nothing could steer the way things were heading. Tohru shook his head furiously. I was afraid I'd offended him. "What I meant is-."

"Thank you. But I could never be what my mother is. She's so strong and so proud. She shows great character, and I try very hard to be half the person she is," he explained, a smile touching the corners of his mouth. I twisted slightly to observe him more. Yes, very much like his mother. Tohru was modest and soft-spoken. He had a lot of heart and he didn't know it yet. I could tell he was going to be every bit as wonderful as his mom. I only wish he could know that. I guess people aren't meant to see their true selves. Only strangers can do that. I nodded once, firmly, and stood up.

"Anytime. Would you like me to push you?"

**T O H R U. |**

Huh. I eyed him cautiously. This guy is crazy. Then again, I was crazy too. For talking to him. I barely know him and we've never even talked. Is this is natural nature? To be charming? What's the deal here? Can we please just stop and figure this out logically? I looked into his eyes, searching for some answers. Whoa. Can you say ouch? His eyes must have been contacts. Who has exhilarating purple eyes? I felt myself nodding at his question. Logic be damned.

I'm losing my mind. Is it so bad, though? That afternoon, we talked on and on about random things. Like baseball and my dreams and my mother and I. I must say, it was nice to have someone to share things with. No bitterness, no mocking. Yuki was purely sincere. I contemplated telling him the truth again and again. Could he accept me now? I thought hard about that for awhile, biting down on my lip. He wasn't like every other boy. But then again, I didn't know Yuki much. I never did. So, no. Because this was something I didn't want to lose, and because Yuki was Yuki, I decided not to.

Yuki the untouchable.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three - - Yuki. **

After that we were inseparable. Tohru and I raced to the playground everyday after school. We played on the swings; I showed him defense moves and found myself smiling, if even the tiniest bit, at his determination. At the way he crinkled his nose stubbornly. Or the little sounds of frustration. And for the first time in my life, I realized, there he was. This was someone who didn't simply admire the looks. Someone who didn't watch what lines not to cross around me. Tohru was free and he knew it. He did what he felt like doing and said whatever he wanted. How could I be jealous of that? How could I possibly want that when, all my life, I'd wanted someone to show me how it's done? Tohru was Tohru. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Then . . . then something terrible happened. Someone got hurt. Very hurt. It was a fatal blow to both Tohru and me. She was coming to pick Tohru up. Just like every Saturday. Before the clock rang 7 and as the sun cast deep, vivid colors across the sky. Like every Saturday, we were playing some game or another. Hide-or-seek, Tag, Simon Says. But it doesn't matter what we were playing. Because she would be picking up Tohru. She'd be crossing the street, checking through her purse, calling Tohru's name. . .

_BAM! _Just like that, Kyoke was hurt. Extremely hurt. All by some reckless driver. Some . . . some pathetic excuse for a human being. You couldn't even imagine the anger and hurt I felt. She wasn't even my mom; I tried to reason with myself. It shouldn't be hurting me so much. I shouldn't feel the need to rip anyone's anything out. I shouldn't be crying in front of my mother's friends or excusing myself to my room. But I was. And there was no denying the fact that Kyoke Honda was just like my mother. Not my real one, thank God. But the one I always invented in my head. The one I always needed and I longed for. Compassionate but stern. Funny but serious. Loving, kind, energetic. Poor Kyoke. Poor Kyoke. . .

The burning hatred quickly turned into despair and depression. As long as she kept breathing, there was hope at least.

And there was Tohru.

Suddenly, I remembered he was there. He was her son. _He was her son._ Anyone who didn't spend countless hours with the kid, didn't hear him ramble on about everything and anything and anyone, didn't experience the contagious sound of his laugh and watch him bounce tirelessly around for hours on end . . . would be dead wrong to assume he still had hope. They'd be very wrong, indeed, to assume he was keeping his head up. He was being strong. Tohru, in his own terms, was grieving. He was losing himself. Even if he didn't say a word . . . Tohru's cry was painfully loud and obvious to me.

**T O H R U. |**

December 4th. An unforgettable date. Remarkable. One life was lost that day. One life and two souls. My mother's. Kyoke Momiji Honda. And as she departed her body that morning, as I refused to leave her even though it wasn't _her_ anymore, she should've known my spirit, my heart, and my soul would go with her. I mean, how do you live knowing the person who gave you life no longer has hers? How can you possibly pretend to be someone who laughs and smiles when you don't? I just couldn't betray her. I couldn't betray my mom by living my life without her. She didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve this. Why hurt my mother more than she already is? Oh God, Mom! I've lost her forever. She'll never come back, _never_!

I've been having out-of-body experiences now. What are multi-step equations again? Oh, yeah. Variables . . . and numbers . . . and . . . . and . . . .

We were supposed to do . . . what? Homework? Page. . .

What's going on? Where am I? I feel so trapped in my mind. I feel so trapped. I've been pulled underwater and faces keep blurring and hands keeping pulling me farther down, down, down. . .

**Y U K I. |**

He was never the same again. Not at all. This was unfair, this was cruel. One careless mistake and three lives were automatically ruined. One second of pure thoughtlessness and someone's mother was dead and someone was scarred and someone was alone. Did the driver know he was going to ruin a family? Did the guy know at all the things I know now? Did he even . . . even care? What I wouldn't give to know. What I wouldn't give to see the guy. . .

Well, even though Tohru could still walk, could still talk, and could still get himself to school . . . didn't mean he was going to be okay. Far from it. And even though we passed the hall without glances . . . I needed my little brother just as much as he needed me.


End file.
